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frustrated mom, selfish dad

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Joined: 22 Dec 2011
Posts: 1
State or Province: Ontario

PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 1:07 pm    Post subject: frustrated mom, selfish dad Reply with quote

alright, so i am a young mother, 21 years old. and i have a 9 month old daughter. her father is very involved with her life and i appreciate that but he is being so selfish about his demands in regards to what he wants for custody. i am basically trying to work out an agreement with him so that we both have her 50/50, (we have not signed any agreement yet or have made anything legal) we are trying out new agreements to see which ones work best and basically up until now i have been making the agreements around his life/work schedule and he has no regard for my life or my schedule. he thinks that because i am on maternity i should agree to whatever and not complain about it because i am not working at the moment (will be in march when mat leave is up). he is so upset because we tried this 50/50 thing for 1 week and i didnt like how i had to go 5 consecutive days in a row without seeing her. so i found a schedule that will work so we both have her the same amount of time but only have to go 3 days max without her for the both of us. but now he is all mad because he doesn't like how the schedule is not consecutive for a 2 week period(instead of him having her every wed,thurs he has her that one week and mon,tues the next) because it doesnt work out for him and his girlfriend.he says i am being unfair so i told him if we cant agree to something we should just go to court. he has his girlfriend watching her all day when it is his days with her and i just feel that i am her mother and i should be watching her if he is at work. she thinks that the baby is hers but wont openly admit it. she is overly involved in the relationship and thinks that her, my babys father and i should sit down and work out an agreement when it really is none of her bushiness. i am just so stressed i need advice. am i being unfair?
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Still in Love

Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No you are not being unfair... and why not just have him have her when he has off from work on the weekends... or is that too invasive to his relationship...

If I were you, I would stop screwing around with this man, and get your but to an attorney and start talking to him about what is fair and not fair... what you should and should not offer to him, and how much support he should be paying... since you have yet to get this into court, he technically does not have to owe you any kind of support until you have filed.

If there is no order as of yet, there is nothing keeping him from keeping the child and making you have to fight for her...

Go to court and file for primary physical custody along with full legal custody... and support. Ask that you be given a mediator to assist in what is fair visitation for your child with dad... and request that the girl friend not be allowed to be present as she is not a mitigating factor in the parenting situation.

Also, I would state to your ex that his girl friend is no longer allowed to watch your child while you are at home... if he has to work, then he must bring your child to you to spend the day with her so you and the baby are bonding. if he says something, let him know that maybe you should knock up that girlfriend so she can be a mother on her own... but she isn't the mother to your child... and if you aren't ready for that... then maybe she should go out and get a job.

But get your butt into a court room and start filing... first one in... gets the kid in most cases.
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Joined: 18 Jun 2015
Posts: 1
State or Province: Georgia

PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2015 6:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was in the same boat you are in now. I felt lost and overwhelmed. My best advice to you is to keep a journal. Document every interaction you have with your ex and his girlfriend. That way you won't forget anything and can take all that to court if need be. I use a site called to communicate with my ex because I was never good at keeping a complete journal myself. Plus we can schedule our visitation days through the site and everything is recorded in the history. It has been a very valuable resource for me because I was able to print things off the site to take to court. Plus he knows every thing is recorded on the site so he has been much more cordial with me since we signed up. Hope this helps!
Best of luck to you!
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