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Starting over

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Joined: 18 May 2012
Posts: 2
State or Province: Alabama

PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 8:18 am    Post subject: Starting over Reply with quote

I am not sure if this is in the right place so please forgive me if it is not. A little over a week ago my husband of 15+ years asked for a divorce. In 2007 after I caught him cheating on me I filed for divorce and decided that we would try to work it out. The last five years have been bumpy but I thought things were a little bit better. Of course I filed for divorce after I found papers in our truck that he was thinking of divorce and even had the child support papers figure out. I am by no means perfect but I have always been faithful to him and be a good wife while he was out partying and having a good time. Basically I stayed home with our three daughters while he soar his oats.

So when he came to me on that Monday I was hurt and confused. He wanted out and he listed all of my faults but in the same sense he said he was not trying to hurt me. After a night of thinking it through and comforting our children because he decided he would tell them after he told me I came to the conclusion that I wanted out of the marriage myself. I never forgave him for what he did in 2007 and didn't trust him. There are a lot of things that have happen in the last five years that have hurt me and it is time for a new road to follow.

I don't know if I am still in shock but I went ahead and signed the divorce papers and they are on their way to the judge this week. Will be another month before they are finalized. I basically represented myself and agreed to what he wanted. I don't know if I did what was right but I have the house till it sells or we lease it out. We are both living here at the moment with our three children. Neither of us are able to make it on our own. I have been out of work for over a year and have been unable to find suitable work in the area. Nothing like being in the education field and having job cuts. So we are staying in the house and he is paying the house note of $1500 plus the utilities and insurance. That is where my alimony came out of. Instead of getting alimony once a month I get 1/2 of the house when it sales or 1/2 of the lease money if we rent it out. I get 1/2 of his retirement up to this year. I get 1/2 of anything we sale like the boat or the motor. Where I think I got stick is on child support and I should had said something. He had it figure in that the child support is in lieu of the house payment until it sales or we rent it out because he is paying for it. Another words I don't see a dime. I only get $1250 for 3 kids but over the years he has done a darn thing to help me. My parents have helped financially with the girls. He said he will make sure the girls have what they need but I honestly don't trust him.

I don't want to fight with him. I want a peaceful divorce and I was to be peaceful and at least friends for the girls sake. We do share something in common and that is our daughters. My mom thinks I should had taken everything I could from him and make him live on the streets but I just can't do that. I don't have the heart to do it. Am I doing the right thing? I know I want the divorce too. I want to go on with my life. Is it possible we can live in the same house at the moment but different rooms? Is it healthy for the kids? I don't want them to get false hopes that we are getting back together. Our two older children know it is over but the baby (9) is hoping. I have explain to her that we are not getting back together but she is hoping.

Any suggestions? Sorry this is so long. I am still trying to get use to the fact that I am ending my marriage of 15 years.
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Still in Love

Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 216
State or Province: California

PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 5:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No you shouldn't let him stay in the house... and you should have let the courts decide on child support and the like. You never just sign anything. If you have a chance to change it... go do it now. ask your parents for their assistance.
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