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Giving Love, Getting Love

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Love. We need it from the moment we are born to thrive. We might survive but we do not thrive without abundant love. No wonder we work so hard to get it. No wonder we try to be perfect and do everything right to have control over getting love. No wonder we get anxious, angry or depressed when we do not get the love we need. No wonder we use numerous substance and process addictions to numb the pain when we feel alone and unloved.

When we were little, our parents or other caregivers needed to be our source of love. We were too young to access the love we needed by ourselves. Our parents were like God - they were our source of life and love.

As we grew older, we were supposed to shift our focus from getting love from our parents to receiving the love that is God. Yet, because most of our parents didn't know how to do this for themselves, many of us never learned to access the love that is infinite and always available to us.

As adults most people are stuck in trying to get love and avoid pain.

  • Do you try to get love by giving yourself up to others, hoping they will give you the love you need? Are you giving to get?
  • Do you try to get others to love you through intimidation and guilt? Do you get angry, manipulative, or blaming to try to get others to give themselves up and give you what you want?
  • Do you shut down and numb out with food, alcohol, drugs, TV, gambling, sex, work, and so on, to avoid the pain of loneliness and aloneness? Do you use addictions to avoid the pain of not feeling loved?
  • Are you trying to make people, substances, things or activities your source of love?

There is only one true Source of love. The Source of love is the universe we live in. The Source of love is whatever is your concept of God/Spirit. God is Love, and that love is always around us and within us, but you will feel it only when your heart is open to learning about loving yourself.

As long as you are trying to get love from others and avoid pain with your addictions, your heart is closed and you cannot feel the love that is always here for you. Only when you shift your intention from getting love and avoiding pain, to loving yourself and sharing your love with others, will you stop feeling so empty, alone and lonely. Only when you stop making people, things, activities and substances your source and turn to Spirit as your Source will you feel the fullness of love within.

The key to this shift is to stop making others and addictions responsible for your feelings and decide to take full, 100% responsibility for your own feelings of joy and wellbeing. When your intent shifts to learning about taking loving action for yourself, you will learn how to fill yourself with love from your Source and share that love with others.

Sharing love is totally different that giving to get love. Sharing love comes from a full place within, a place that does not need anything back from another person. When we learn to take loving action in our own behalf, we get so filled with love that it just overflows. When this is the case, we receive great joy in sharing our love. We no longer try to be the source of love for others, nor do we make others our source of love.

Today, focus on opening to learning about what is in your highest good. Ask the question throughout the day, "What is in my highest good right now?" As answers pop into your mind, take the loving action on your own behalf. Then notice how peaceful and fulfilled you feel, and how good it feels to share your love and joy with others.


About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a Free Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com .


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